I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
