Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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