Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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