i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
