remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
