I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
