The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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