I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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