At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
