so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
