Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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