whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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