I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize