I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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