NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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