I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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