okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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