hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
