Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
