I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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