I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
