Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
