I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
