3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
