Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
