Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
