I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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