Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize