She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
