Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize