I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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