Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
