I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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