omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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