I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
