I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize