If that was your dad, he is hot
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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