i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
