I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Come on in and take your pants off
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
