I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
