i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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