He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
