Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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