we have pet lesbian snakes
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
