is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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