I think I died a long time ago.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
