so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize