you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
