I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
