I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
