I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
false alarm. still invincible.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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