i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
