We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
