Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
