You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
