She just used a chaser for red wine.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We're too hungover to prance.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Pooping to opera.
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