Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
