well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
