There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
