talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
