Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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