I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
