My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think my vagina is haunted
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
