i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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