my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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