I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
