question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
