Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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