he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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