If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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