Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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