So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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