Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
