I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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